There is also a cost in not quitting an activity. I feel I’m being consistent here: Kids have a voice but parents direct. I pointed out that the latest research shows that kids who practice making their own decisions - with the help of parents - actually build up their brains and develop important skills. Parents need to be make these decisions, you said. When we debated whether kids should help pick their punishments last year, you were critical of my idea that we should invite children into the conversation of deciding which rewards and/or incentives they would respond to. When my kids were picking activities they wanted to try at camp this summer, for example, they picked most, but my wife, channeling her inner Michelle, insisted they pick tennis, because it’s a “lifelong sport.” Why are extracurricular activities any different? Why are kids whom we deem unready to make other decisions entirely on their own suddenly allowed to make these decisions? One thing I heard repeatedly while working on a column I wrote last year about overscheduled children is that kids under 11 or 12 don’t really have enough self-awareness to make informed judgement calls like this quite yet. Why are kids who need our help making other decisions - like when to take baths or do their homework - suddenly allowed to make these decisions on their own? The only caveat: If quitting involves letting down a team or a group effort, they have to stick with the activity. So far, I've let children quit piano, violin, guitar, soccer and lacrosse. Outside of academics, I can't see any reason to push them into anything they don't want to do for themselves, and they know it. So if it was a strategy, it was effective - but the thing is, it wasn't. Every season, I had to make that declaration once, and bring it up once or twice more - "I'm just reminding you that I would be very happy to go back to bed" - and every one of them got on board. If they didn't want to go we weren't going. sessions on both Saturdays and Sundays, I solemnly assured all children interested that getting up to drive them to the rink at 7 in the morning was not something I did for me. When the "Learn to Play" hockey program required 8 a.m. It's also easy to let your kids quit activities when you're neither emotionally nor financially invested - when the town soccer league costs $35 per kid, it's not a big deal to let your second grader bail.īut I've been like this from the very beginning. I spend more time saying no - no gymnastics if you also play hockey, no musical instrument if you struggle every night with getting your homework done - than I do trying to push my children into things. I should say that my children are joiners, not quitters, so I may come at this from a different angle. Outside of academics, I can't see any reason to push my kids into anything they don't want to do for themselves. “I want them to understand what it feels like to do something you don’t like and to improve,” she said. Michelle Obama has gone against the tide by forcing her adolescent daughters Malia and Sasha to take up two sports: one they choose and one she selects. I think we’ve gone too far when we ask children to make choices they’re not always capable of making. I wouldn’t back down and a few months later they regained momentum. (Where’s the commercial about that dad trait!) They stepped it up for a few weeks, then we all agreed to drop it next season. I gave them a stemwinder speech one day about lack of effort. First, when my kids lost interest in soccer and stopped trying during games. But for the time being, they've made a commitment to the other players or performers, and they can’t bail. Sure, they can reevaluate over the summer. If they sign up at the beginning of the semester, they have to stick with it until the end. My wife and I force our daughters to choose a range of extracurricular activities and I in particular don’t let them quit midstream. My wife and I force our daughters to choose a range of extracurricular activities and I in particular don’t let them quit midstream.Īs a father, I couldn't agree more with this line of parenting.
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